Farewell Boswell
by CBK1000
Summary: John grieves; Sherlock observes. Post The Reichenbach Fall.


**A/N: Virgin Sherlock writer alert. I only a few days ago decided to finally give this series a try, and following The Reichenbach Fall I (predictably) had too many feels to deal with. This sort of randomly came out today. Sherlock's voice was interesting to try and capture because I tend to be more poetic in my writing, and I found his analytical, unemotional nature quite challenging. I've probably botched it horribly, but I firmly believe it's a writer's duty to take risks and to branch out of their comfort zone from time to time. So: my apologies if you feel the need to bleach your eyeballs after reading this.**

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Interpersonal coherence: the theoretical behavioral consistency of an offender between his criminal and non-criminal activities. (Utter rubbish of course. Indicative of the expected failure of the common mind. Personalities are fluid: the maladaptive more so. A thousand variables may account for clues suggestive of anger present at the moment of an offender's crime without signifying the law must keep on his toes for a man who consistently exhibits this particular trait in his personal life. Staging, emotion, interruption, drugs, alcohol, medication; perhaps the offender hit a dog on his way to work and his lamentation of the persistent idiocy of man who cannot fathom that the confluence of loose pet, busy street and the delayed reaction time of the driver having a row on his mobile = crying child and the beer-soaked halitosis rants of a wife who in the face of a steady income no longer subscribes to the biological necessity to procure herself a mate and has followed along in the footsteps of the national average and succumbed to a body mass index of greater than thirty drove him to this most terrible of actions. But let's settle for the easiest answer, shall we. Dear God, how _does _the other side look himself in the eye?)

But let's not be sidetracked.

Behavior mired in habit, interactions based on routine: to a degree.

But there are always factors of such influence that they may introduce into the constant variable a sudden aberration.

Observe: John Watson.

No, do not see, _observe_.

Coat present, lack of hat, scarf or gloves.

The day is cool enough to warrant them. John's breath: visible; his ears: red.

Though the core temperature of the human body remains the same, the effects produced on it by grief (domino effect of increased heart rate, increased blood flow, resultant flush of skin) play into this complex ruse of the body to persuade a man that he needs no extra layers. (No effect on a man like him, whose dexterous self-awareness supersedes all biological deception.)

Hypothesis: John is grieving.

Theory supported by: John's wavering voice, his shaking hands.

Don't. Be. Dead.

Punctuated sharply. A fluctuation of vocal tone at the end: standard in a male of prepubescent years. Abnormal in a man of John's chronological advancement.

As he said: the failure to take into account the application of extenuating circumstances on the core personality is the domain of idiots, morons, boobs. (Anderson.)

His flat mate is not generally predisposed to any overt displays of emotion traditionally associated with vulnerability. Consequence of his military training: too much empathy breaks a man who has been trained to break others.

Conclusion: John is displaying a deviation in his average behavior.

There must be a cause, of course, to produce such an effect.

Death, he has been told, is a common one, a mass producer of these anomalies he observes from across the cemetery.

His hands are too hot in these bloody gloves.

And his eyes-

Increased secretion of moisture; burning suggestive of sinus issues, supported by corresponding tightness in the throat and chest.

Pain in the lower sternal region. Irregular in a man of his age and physical health.

Possible causes of such discomfort indexed in alphabetical order: Angina (unlikely: absence of pain in arm, shoulder, jaw or back; typical squeezing sensation is however present); Coronary artery dissection (improbable: rare condition, statistically unlikely; absence of abrupt tearing sensation); Hypertrophic cardiomyopathy (dubious: lack of dizziness, light-headedness, shortness of breath); Myocardial infarction (statistically doubtful when taking into consideration subject's age and general conditioning; presence of crushing pain and weakness in the knees, however: possible, but not probable).

Timing of pain coincides with observation of John's hand on his memorial, John's rapid blinking, John's previously absent vocal tic.

Conclusion: origin of pain is emotional in nature.

He blinks.

He lifts his hand.

Tears: a simple combination of water and salt; nearly identical to the biochemical structure of sweat. A social emotion: a connection to fellow man, a breakdown in the natural barriers erected between strangers.

Stupid.

Unnecessary.

_Unscientific_.

If it is of no use to him; out it is thrown, like any non-relevant information in the finite storage space that is his mind. If it does not serve to further the development of the cognitive process, what is the damn _point_, John, please _explain _this to him-

And yet off across the stiff winter lawn walks this only friend of his, and he does it anyway.

John-

He-

In primary he was a nuisance, at Uni an outcast.

Your mother drinks too much and your father- he comes home late every night because he's having an affair with his secretary who has two children of her own; you're third in birth order, the middle of a large family, consequently overlooked, probably owing to your below average looks and lackluster personality which suggest to the unobservant mind (most minds) that you are somehow impaired and thus destined for a blandly average life (statistically probable), and when away on recent holiday you met a girl you fancied, though of course she didn't return your favor and chose instead to abscond to your (better-looking) friend's flat just down the road.

Neat trick, you little bastard.

Pain in the left zygomatic bone.

Pain in the lower sternal region.

Well-acted charade: the second is physical in nature.

You're an army doctor invalided home from Afghanistan; you've got a brother worried about you but you won't go to him for help because you don't approve of him, possibly because he's an alcoholic, but more likely because he just walked out on his wife, and your therapist correctly believes your limp is psychosomatic.

Amazing. Quite extraordinary, actually.

Pain in the lower sternal region.

No: a pressure, certainly, a squeezing, but also a lifting, a weight born up and a burden lifted off.

What he is trying to say, John-

What he was never quite been able to express-

Thank you.

Yes, that's it.

Thank you, dear friend, beloved blogger.

The sun is high today, at odds with the poetic notion that the sky must reflect upon one's mood, that all funerals must be rained out, that every mourner must see in the accumulation of condensed water vapor and sulfate aerosols his own black temper, but he-

He rather likes this blinding afternoon.

You stand out for so long against its bright white backdrop.


End file.
